Coverage of murdered autistic people

Trigger warning: this includes murder, suicide, victim blaming, and sympathy for murderers of autistic children.

I will be using a Canadian story found here from a British Columbia online newspaper, this story is of a murder suicide committed by a woman against herself and her 16 year old autistic son.

The first thing I noticed was a picture that took me to a slide show of three pictures. The first said the mother had left a suicide note because she couldn't handle her "severely autistic" son.
The second said the son expressed communication frustrations in violent ways; it also claimed the mother was 100 pounds and added "single" in what I can only speculate is an attempt to show her even more sympathy.
The third claimed she asked for him to be placed for residential placement according to her family.

Already this story sets the tone. The murderer is the real victim. He was violent, out if control, "severely autistic" and she couldn't pawn him off into a harmful and abusive environment.
Already the story left a bad taste in my mouth.

When I began reading the article something stood out. Like usual the article restated captions from the included pictures but with more detail.

It described the murderer as "loving" and "shy" and painted a picture of a small fragile woman all alone, and throughout the article wrote about how she loved him.

Likewise it called him large, referred to him as "severely autistic" (by the way the article describes it "severely autistic" means non-verbal, mute, or non-speaking. Different people prefer different terms) and mentioned how one trail he and his mother went to was the "only place he could be calm".

By this point OBVIOUSLY the nice sweet loving young lady must have had a good reason to terminate not only her own life but her "profusely disabled son" as the article would have called him.

The article explains she was "too tired" to take him on the hike because had been "acting up".

The article goes on to make it clear he was large and violent. It blamed a violent episode for hospitalization that lead to being medically sedated (I'm not sure about Canadian law but US laws explicitly ban chemical restraints through OMNIBUS. I assume Canadian laws are similar and if not this is one area they could improve). The hospital gave a months supply "hundreds of pills" apparently for sedation.

Apparently instead of sedating the child he deserved to be overdosed until death, according to available evidence.

According to her family her note blamed not being able to just get rid of her teenage child (which causes intense mental anguish, pain, suffering, and regression) for being inconvenient, which obviously showed love, desperation, and a need for state sponsored harm to children.

Reportedly a relative, Ron Watson had said "we don't blame anyone", even though there was a note of confession and siting a need for "better resources".

The article ends in a quote about how well supported people just don't do this.

This is a worrisome trend in the reporting of autism related murder. Blame the victim and then claim that the murderer is a victim.

This is a trend we must reverse by calling out this bias and the harmful effects of it. I mean when murdering a disabled child is seen as reasonable of course "sweet and loving" people will viciously murder disabled people.

This has been highly emotional for me but I hope it helps shine a light on this awful issue.

Gender variation

I am not sure how common being lgb and or t is in the autism community compared to the population as a whole.
By this I mean basically non straight and/or non cisgender.

What I can speak about is my own experience. I've written before about my sequel orientation so I will now focus on my gender identity.

It seems with all things I face it's not so straight forward and easy to explain. Again I'm not sure if that's more common with those on the spectrum or not.

I was born female. But most of the time I feel very little gender connection at all. I prefer shirt androgynous hair styles and baggy clothes but also push up bras female underwear (not that I've tried male yet who knows I might prefer it) and figure fitting jackets that seem feminine but I can't put my finger on why (my favorite is Grey black and white fleece with a hood figure fitting and cuts off about my waist).
However I'm also two-spirit or bigendered. This means sometimes I feel feminine yes. I will love my feminine curves and want to show them feel extra romantic play with my appearance and sometimes even wear makeup.

But sometimes I feel more masculine. Most of these times I just basically ignore it. But sometimes the emotional instability is too strong. I don't own anything to compress my chest I barely managed to take a sports bra from my mom. I just don't feel right and any reminder of my sex can trigger me. I become easily agitated and upset. These major flare ups tend only to last 1-2 weeks but they can be hell.

I've been thinking of taking hormone blockers. I'm past puberty and my beasts are already very large so I'm not sure how much good it would do. But I do imagine it would help prevent fertility and other unwanted effects. But since it's such a minority experience I wonder if it's even be worth the hassle in oklahoma.

I realize that I am my feminine persona but I feel detached from it when I'm in this state and reminders can be painful. On Facebook I've adopted a make persona as well so I can interact more "as myself" at all times.

I'm really hoping these changes help.
But there are some issues I will never be able to fix. I want to masturbate as a male but any kind of surgery is out for multiple reasons let alone changing my genitals for the minority of my experiences.
I wonder sometimes if my masculine side appears more or less often or when it's most likely to emerge so I'm planning on tracking it.

I remember back in kindergarten I half the time identified as a boy and half as a girl. Once I got into grade school the teachers segregated by stated sex things like bathrooms and library passes and some classroom games, and I was no longer "alex". I believe taking away my ability to effortlessly identify as my true self on a day to day basis may have caused some of my problems. I think trying to pass as a straight cis girl even when I wasn't was a problem.

It's not very organized I just wrote everything about my experience as I thought it and I hope this is beneficial yo someone.

To parents of autistic children

First of all I will start by explaining that "autism parent" is a term that annoys me. It implies that the parent is the one dealing with autism. It seems to send a note of arrogance or self pity. It's not even grammatically correct. I reserve that term only to parents of autistic children that I find annoying or hateful, because in my mind that's what I think of when I hear "autism parent". Otherwise you are a parent of an autistic person.

Second of all how dare some of you try to define autism in YOUR personal terms? There are millions of us all over the spectrum, all with different abilities and sensory abilities. Just because your child is having difficulties in some areas does not mean they will never be able to talk, form relationships, or cook. But the way some of you talk about your children it's as if you've given up and you do not care to see improvement. You have no confidence, and provide no support for them to grow as a person, and guess what, people only ever grow as far as they believe they can.
Just because your child has an inability to do something, assuming that it can never be overcome, does not mean everyone on the spectrum is the same way. There are many health issues that affect many people, some are NT, some are autistic. Just because I cannot grasp my hands enough to cut or wash many things does not mean that you aren't "really" autistic because you can. Just because your child has sensory issues from smells, does not mean I too am affected in that same way.
Everyone on the spectrum has a wide range of abilities and disabilities. We each stim, we all have different sensor triggers, and yes, we all have emotions, including empathy.
High functioning autism, HFA, affects the brain in the same ways as classic autism with a few differences. In HFA there tends to be fewer autism characteristics, the person is generally able to communicate their thoughts and feelings more effectively, and while classic autism is correlated with a lower than average IQ, HFA is associated with a higher IQ. Including Albert Einstein, Nikola Tesla, Thomas Jefferson, and many other geniuses throughout time.
Now this is not to say that those with classic autism are stupid, or that everyone with HFA is smart, it is simply a difference in correlation. And perhaps with more improved ways of testing IQ we might find that those with classic autism are also more intelligent but less able to share with the rest of the population.

Just because we don't seem enough like what YOUR idea of autism is, doesn't mean we don't know more about autism than you. Chances are if you have this attitude you NEVER look at how autism affects the person, but rather look at how the autistic person affects YOU. From an outsider looking in perhaps it does look entirely different. As one youtube comment I read put it, one is simply "Emotionally constipated geeky types that can't get laid" and the other are people with "real issues that need help in daily life".
Yes perhaps it seems that way if you're looking from the outside.
But if you look at the mind, and how it actually affects the person it's the same condition.
HFA or classic, we can become over stimulated. For me this is when it is too cold, there are loud or conflicting noises, or there are bright lights or crowds of people. I find many smells soothing and use them to relax. Unfortunately my mother is allergic to perfumes and my stepdad has asthma so it really narrows down my ability to help myself via smell.
A non-verbal autistic person is also affected by stimulation in ways NT people are not. Due to being limited or unable to communicate their issues they express their discomfort in other ways such as tantrums, screaming, stimming, or violent outbreaks.
A verbal person might be able to say "This is getting too loud for me, I'm going to step away for a while." or otherwise be able to remove ourselves from the situation.

We are otherwise more likely to be able to sense things differently, such as hearing colors. I personally am not sure how that works or how it would register, but I do know it happens sometimes, and mostly in autistic people. We also are more likely to have eidetic (photographic) memory, and abilities to see or solve things that other people cannot.  It even makes some sense because our brains are wired differently so that we process stimuli differently, in the wiring differences it isn't entirely unlikely that strange and interesting possibilities occur.

I might not look or even act like your child, but that doesn't mean I'm not real, and it doesn't mean I'm not autistic. It means you simply haven't learned to look beyond your narcissistic surface.

Third I cannot stress this enough. Any therapy, technology, or "treatment" should have the goal of making the patient feel more comfortable and to improve their quality of life. Not to increase convenience of parents, friends, or caregivers. Many therapies and treatments to "help" with autism are focused on making the person seem more "normal" or to simply make them stop having outbursts. Not on actually helping to prevent overstimulation or other events potentially harmful to the person. These kinds of therapies, much like ex-gay therapy, relies solely on covering up, ignoring, and suppressing the difference. And like ex-gay therapy simply denying your nature and forcing yourself to not show your difference doesn't make it go away, it simply makes it harder to deal with. Some of these treatments have used electroshock therapy, bleach enemas, and other potentially dangerous, painful, and harmful methods that should be banned, and typically is.
If the person primarily benefiting from any type of treatment isn't the one being "treated" it's not real medicine, it's considered a type of abuse. I'm not sure how it translates to parents, but I do know in nursing that using chemical restraints is forbidden. Chemical restraints typically means using medical treatment to render the person unconscious, immobile, more agreeable, or easier to deal with for the purpose of staff convenience. (Giving needed medications to improve their quality of life, such as antidepressants in a patient that needs them, does not count as a restraint.)

What is wrong with Autism Speaks?

Autism Speaks is a notable Autism focused group. They raise money for awareness. That's about all that most people know. You go to the store and buy a blue puzzle piece to support autism awareness.
But what is this awareness they support? I mean most people know autism exists. How many people know what autism really is? Do they educate about how autistic people think? Do they have autistic leadership? Do they teach the best ways to interact with autistic people?

Actually they don't. If you spend any time in communities of autistic people you are inevitably going to learn the problems with Autism Speaks. But what if you aren't a member of these communities? What is it about Autism Speaks that seems to be so controversial?

First of all is the issue with how they spend the money they make.
Only 4% of the funds go to family services (providing iPads, weighted blankets, scholarships, etc)
10 times that amount is spent on "research" which is widely eugenics type research which aims to prevent, "cure", and even push for prenatal testing for autism (which is not yet possible).

http://autisticadvocacy.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/Autism_Speaks_Flyer.pdf

The second problem with Autism Speaks is that they have no autistic leadership. They misleadingly name themselves "Autism Speaks", without giving a voice to those of us who are actually autistic. This issue can further be seen by their polls, questions, and involvement always asking if you are a family member, friend, or unrelated to autism, but never if you are autistic yourself. The worst example was when a 14 year old autistic teen created a parody site called "ntspeaks.net" (nt means neurotypical, it often simply means non autistic though more accurately it means your brain functions normally without autism, adhd, dyslexia, or other things which wire your brain differently). When this teen made her parody site Bob Wright , co-founder of the organization Autism Speaks, threatened to sue the teen, who was scared into giving up the domain.
They use their popularity, financial backing, and corporatist views to scare, bully, and threaten those that are smaller, weaker, and less aware of the complexities of the law. (The protections, the system, what they can and cannot do etc). They censor and bully actual autistic people rather than listen to our concerns and adjust their organization accordingly.
http://www.mindlessmommy.com/2008/01/autism-speaks-sues-a-teenager-with-aspergers-syndrome/

The third main problem with Autism Speaks, and perhaps their worst offense, is the fear campaign. Rather than raise awareness by sharing actual facts about autism, giving information on how to better communicate between autistic and neurotypical people, what certain actions can indicate is happening inside the autistic person's head, etc, they have instead fear campaigns. They produce propaganda to portray autistic people as only children, and nothing but a problem. In their worst ad they maintained that autism would make sure your marriage failed, you cannot attend church or temple, you cannot comfortably go in public, you won't be able to sleep. Then they went on to say that autism was something to defeat and battle, and put an end to.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mycxSJ3-_Q

Most often however their PSA's only have to do with 1 in 88, now 1 in 68, being autistic, though they don't do so in an unbiased and non fear inducing way, instead they compare the odds of being autistic with the odds of being in a car accident or other negative events.

That's three strikes Autism Speaks.

These reasons, and many more are why no self respecting autistic person supports this organization.

This is why there are movements like "BoycottAutismSpeaks" in which we refuse to spend our money, when possible, with organizations that support Autism Speaks.
This is why we speak out against them.
This is why we will not "light it up blue".


Autism Speaks does not speak for me.
Nothing about us, without us.

Please help join the movement to take down Autism Speaks, since it is unlikely they are going to change. (One high ranking member even sympathized with parents that murder autistic children, these aren't well meaning but miseducated people, these are people with hatred in their hearts that run a hate group disguised as support.)

I'm hoping we will have a movement strong enough to bring down this organization and raise real acceptance and pride of the autistic community.