Sexuality-001

I can't help but think, without any research beyond myself, that perhaps sexuality for aspies is more "open", or at least is less gender based.
I am a demisexual, pansexual, polyamorous, lesbian. Many people stop at only one label, gay, straight, bi, and in some cases pans.
However it has been my experience that each of these labels helps define who  and what I am, better. it gives a better picture of my actual sexuality.
Demisexual broadly means that I am primarily attracted to what the ace community (asexuals and demisexuals) often refer to as "secondary characteristics", these would be non physical traits, personality, interests, intelligence, things that generally take longer to know and understand about a person than things like race, hair color, height, gender/sex, general sizes, etc.
I would also largely be a lesbian, because of the physical things I am attracted to, I still have a preference it just doesn't primarily decide who I am attracted to, I am a lesbian. I have never been physically attracted to a man.

Think for instance if you are primarily a straight guy, and your secondary preference would be blonde hair. Generally you like women with blonde hair, even if that is the only hair color you ever find attractive, it doesn't mean there is never a time that you may happen to be attracted to a woman with red hair. You simply wouldn't go with them because of their hair color, you would go with them because other factors lead you to overlook the color of her hair.

I am also polyamorous which simply means I can, and accept that I do, love more than one person at a time.


However I am a pansexual as well, which means I am capable of going beyond my general physical preference bounds. With my primary and secondary sexualities switched around, sometimes the pansexual part doesn't really seem to count. I am in a straight relationship at this moment and he knows I'm a lesbian. In fact I have never set foot in my so called closet. How many lesbians, who aren't in the closet, are in straight relationships?
I would think not very many.

It's been my experience that aspies don't understand much about dating, the "rules" of dating, how to date, why certain social expectations even still exist, and why a lot of things even matter. Things that to me may indicate they go beyond traditional gender roles, or even mainstream sexualities.

This isn't to mean that demisexuality is inherently better or worse than simply being sexual, but it does seem to be a thing. I've also met a few asexual people all of which ended up also being aspies and I'm not sure if that's for a reason or not.

People with Asperger's often don't care about or understand social norms they deem as "stupid", for instance I refuse to acknowledge a guy "having" to pay for dates, I pay my part, they pay theirs, unless someone is short on cash or has an excess. I refuse to see any value in such a system.
I refuse to put restrictions on "I wont do X until date Y" because it makes no sense at all unless the system is one of prostitution where after the guy spends X amount of money on the girl, he unlocks activity Y.
I have been on ONE mini date, and have been dating the same guy for 5 years now. I refuse to believe I'm some kind of a "whore" because I had sex before the first date 3 years into the relationship, aka before he "bought" it. The real whores are the ones that get the spending done and then unlock sexual "favors". Especially if it's really expensive like a ring or wedding.

And I refuse to see the value in "sexual purity" or monogamy or any of that BS. Yes I see very clearly that cheating (having romantic encounters without the knowledge or consent of those you are in a relationship with) is bad. But I fail to see how me sleeping with a guy and a girl with all parties consenting and involved is somehow worse than going from one relationship to the next, or that somehow I loose value just because I've had sex before.

And really the way aspies question social norms and process and value things differently, I wouldn't be surprised to learn that aspies were in fact less on the pure gay/straight spectrum and more on the varying levels of sexuality and of various amounts of inclusion of those you are less primarily attracted to (poly/pansexuality for instance).

I never seem to cease to confuse people when I tell them I am a lesbian and I enjoy having sex with my boyfriend. Maybe people aren't used to lesbian being the secondary sexuality. Or maybe people like to try to find inconsistency with me. Not quite sure. But either way, I really hope this can help better explain my own sexuality.